Confidence – It’s a word that is used to describe how we feel about a certain thing or activity.  Or as something we would like to have more of …..

Each and everyone of us has been in a situation where we would do something we have always wanted to do, if only we had more confidence.

When I have clients say to me that they would like more confidence, my question to them is, “To do what?”

Well here’s the thing.  Confidence is not something you can go and buy at the store, take home and put on the kitchen bench. Confidence comes from doing something, it is the result of an activity, it is something we do.  We BE confident!  And we become confident by doing the thing we say we would like to do.

“If I had more confidence I would book a holiday and travel overseas by myself.”

“If I had more confidence I would apply for that job I would really love to do.”

Going into the travel agents, deciding where you want to go, equipping yourself with all the relevant information, booking and paying for the trip and then going and doing it!  With the doing of what we say we want to do – we become confident.

Now we all have moments of natural confidence, whether it is baking a cake, driving a car, running a half-marathon, whatever it might be.  These moments of natural confidence came about initially by doing something.  Starting out running a couple of kms, than adding on another couple and so on until eventually one day you have run 21kms and you enter your very first half-marathon with the confidence of knowing that you can do it because you have done it in your training.

Consider this!

If you were feeling really confident in your own skin, right now, how would you be sitting or standing?  What would your inner voice be saying right now?  What kind of voice tone would your inner voice be using?  And what kind of picture would you see in your own mind, right now, in this moment, that would allow you to be completely comfortable in your own skin. Just by taking the time to imagine those things, the chances are you are already feeling a bit more confident than you were a few moments ago.

Confidence is a result of creating the things you want in your life.

Three Simple Steps

By asking yourself these 3 questions and repeating them several times over will help you transform yourself, your perception of yourself and the way you think about who you are and what you are capable of, if you do them!

I personally prefer to write down my answers to each question, it seems to allow me to be much more open and honest with myself and find answers or solutions I may have previously missed.  Here they are:-

  1. What have I actively been doing in order to be or in order to become confident until now?
  2. What have I been paying attention to that led me to think that that was the best possible choice or way to go about doing this
  3. If I were to shift my attention and look at this from a totally different perspective then what else could I be doing or what could I be doing differently in order to be or to become more confident

Although we have used ‘Confidence’ in this example, use these same questions with any problems, issues, obstacles, limitations or challenges that you may be experiencing or perceiving as being problematic, a challenge, a limitation or an obstacle.

Thank you to NLP Trainer, James Tsakalos for allowing me to use some of his content in this post.  If you would like to find out more about NLP visit his website

Finally, It is so important to keep in mind that the language we use to speak to ourselves has a huge impact on our emotions, our decisions and our actions.

What would you be doing differently if you were telling yourself a different story?

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Jenny is an advocate and champion for women rediscovering themselves through the process of divorce.