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Learn to manage your emotions.
Emotions are very difficult to control during a turbulent relationship breakdown. You may find yourself unable to hide your feelings and expressing yourself inappropriately. Alternatively, you may bottle up your feelings; this too can be a mistake. Please don’t think that your feelings and experiences are confined to you alone. There are others who are in similar situations and who feel exactly the same as you do.
At this time the emotions are at there rawest; the pain is at its most intense and the tears just keep coming. Many people suffer from depression, misery and compulsive behaviour such as drinking. Some people will lose weight, others will gain it. Often they will suffer sleepness nights, rashes, aches and pains the causes of which are not physical. Coupled with the stress of marital breakdown these people also have to contend with wholesale gossip about their travails. Small wonder then, that in the initial stages of a divorce, clients can be overwrought and stressed to their limit. Given time and a positive, patient attitude, people do come through divorce stronger and more self-sufficient then they ever were.
When you are getting divorced, it can feel as though the world has fallen in. Perhaps life as you know it has ended, has come to a full stop.
- The arguments and the silences are unbearable
- Money, children, home. …. The future frightens you. What has happened?
- Everything you are used to and everything you believed to be true has altered and changed.
- The person you loved and trusted has shattered your trust and destroyed your confidence.
- You need to end the nightmare because you have no other choice
- You are raging inside, you are heartbroken. You cannot clear your mind of all these thoughts.
- Life is spinning around and you no longer feel that you are in control
- Your future is uncertain, finances, children, your home … you fear you stand to lose it all
How do you cope? How do you get through this? Such feelings of distress are normal in the circumstances but are bound to have an effect on you emotionally and physically. If you need to seek medical help, do so. You will not be penalised if you have sought help. In fact, your decision demonstrates that you are still in full control of yourself, you recognise that something is temporarily wrong and you are putting it right. So if you do feel low and distressed and you would like to address your situation with the help of a professional, what are you waiting for? A professional counsellor can also help and the results are often swift and amazing. Don’t sit there worrying. The restoration of mood, self-confidence and assertiveness works wonders. When you are able to put your worries into perspective and into proportion, the cold, hard legalities of divorce will become less daunting.
Taking Care of Yourself
Feelings of loneliness are common. Relationship breakdown is a terrific leveller, though: it show you who your loved ones and friends really are.
Family members share in your history, and know a side of you that friends and colleagues do not see. Close friends can provide an emotional crutch. If you have been there for them in the past, it is now their turn to provide support and shoulders to cry on. You must be certain that you can rely on their confidentiality. Some friends like to gossip and are not friends at all.
Keep on moving!
Physical and emotional wellbeing are essential to a healthy divorce and help alleviate mild to moderate depression. Your body is your temple. Eat healthy nutritious meals as much as you can. Get into shape, exercise, exercise, exercise. What do you like doing? Salsa dancing, going to the gym, cycling, running, swimming. Do anything that will get your heart pumping. You will feel better immediately. Find a buddy you can partner up with if an exercise regime is new to you until you are ready to go alone. Reduce your alcohol intake.
There will be days when you will want to curl up on the sofa with your doona and a bucket of ice-cream and maybe watch a sad movie or listen to songs that describe how you are feeling. Just go with the flow on these days. You are grieving and your body will be in shock.
One day you think, I need a new hair cut. Another you notice your clothes are fitting better and gradually but certainly within a few months you will feel and become a different person. Your workouts will have a tremendous effect on your body, mind and spirit.
A new beginning begins with a new you.