Are Soul Mates Wish Lists Total Bullshit?

Now I am no expert when it comes to relationships and nor do I have much experience when it comes to the topic of Soul Mates, however I do often hear women talking about their constant search to find their Soul Mate.

I get the impression that a Soul Mate is some illusive and exceptional being who only presents himself/herself to someone very, very special and certainly not to the majority of women it would seem.

Which prompts me to start with a few questions to help get clear on where I stand on this topic.

What is this whole Soul Mate thing all about?
What is the difference between a Soul Mate and a Life Partner?
Can one person be both personas?

American writer Richard Bach said, “A soul mate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are.”

Assuming that Richard has come up with a pretty fair description that most people ‘get’ I notice that nothing is mentioned about the gender of a Soul Mate so in that case I going to say that a Soul Mate is not necessarily a romantic partner nor a member of the opposite sex but a very special friend that just gets you and everything about you – a very special deep connection between both parties and plenty of people have that kind of special relationship.

Now let’s move on to the Wish List part of this question and practical terms around finding the ‘perfect for you’ life partner.   A Wish List is a carefully considered list of what is really, really important to you in a relationship, why these are important to you, what in return do you have to contribute to a relationship and what is absolutely non-negotiable.

When I have been working with a client for some time or chatting to some women who have been single for awhile the conversation leads to them telling me they are ready now to meet a man. This is a very positive sign that they have moved through the whole divorce process and ready to take this next big step, fantastic.

This is when I ask, ‘What sort of a man or will just any man do?’  People tend to struggle with knowing what they want or need from a relationship and I will get a long list of what they don’t want, usually based on everything they didn’t like about the person in the previous relationships they have been in.  All very useful information, the problem is knowing exactly what it is that they do want which is a much bigger question and this question requires some very careful consideration and exploration and is well worth taking the time to make it as comprehensive as you possibly can.

Yes, I absolutely recommend that you create your wish list but make it real, not based on some fairy tale ideal of happily ever after.

A few years ago I spent several months creating a list just like this. Yes it was very comprehensive and very detailed about five or six pages if I recall correctly. Yes, I did find that man, perfect in every way, well almost!   Just a few months into the relationship there were a few warning signs that he was not ready to fully commit to a relationship.  I chose to ignore these signs!

My parting words are – if it’s not a perfect fit have the balls to walk away and don’t pretend that the little things don’t matter.  In the long run they will!

To share your comments or personal story – send me an email:

With love and gratitude

Jenny xx


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