Relationships – that intimate, or not so intimate connection with a significant other person that so many people struggle to get just right. It’s the merging of two independent and separate souls who come together to share their lives.

Simply being human means that none of us operate on a flat line from day to day, unless of course you self medicate, for most of us however we move constantly above and below the middle line throughout each day. It’s the ebb and flow that is influenced by what is going on with our thoughts and emotions, demands on our time, our energy levels, physical activity and the fuel we put into bodies that have a massive impact on what we have left in the tank at any given point in time to give our full attention to other people, especially those closest to us.

In any relationship this ebb and flow will rarely be completely aligned with the other person but when it is then, yeah! This is when the conversation and connection goes to a whole new level. Each person feels that they are being seen, heard and valued, it feels great and we are left wanting more moments just like this!

If you find yourself continually vacillating between feeling hot and cold about your significant other then there are some things you can do to set yourself straight, learn from it and do something about it. Moving through feeling hot and cold will be affecting your relationship whether you realise it or not and your body language will speak a thousand silent words.

Time to get real with yourself and what is going on for YOU!

Here is a 6-step process that you can use anytime that you notice that ‘something’ is not quite right with how you are feeling about your relationship.

1)     Sit up and take notice! If something is not the way you want it to be you this is an opportunity for you to change it.

2)     Ask yourself what is really going on here WITH ME?

3)     Pick up a pen and start writing whatever comes up, every little thought without stopping to read it until there is nothing left to write

4)     There will be some keys things on the list and there may be some that have been repeated several times. Use a highlighter to help identify the ones that are similar and address these first

5)     Now it’s time to ask some questions.

Why do I think this?
What does this mean?
How do I know this?
Is that true?
What else could this mean?
What would I like to be different?
Who do I want to be in this relationship?
What steps can I put in place right now to change this?

6)     When you have worked through the questions and really put in the time to get clear on what it is you want to be different – it’s time to engage in a conversation with your partner!

“If we want our relationships to be different then it is up to us to take the first step.”

To share your comments or personal story – send me an email: jenny@divorcedwomensclub.com.au

With love and gratitude

Jenny xx


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About Jenny Smith

Jenny Smith has written 82 post in this blog.

Jenny is an absolute advocate and champion for women rediscovering themselves through the process of divorce. She is the creator of the Divorced Women's Club www.divorcedwomensclub.com.au and Co-creator of Separation Made Easy www.separationmadeeasy.com. She delivers bespoke programs for women through her coaching services, writing, on-line programs and the Divorced Women's Club Members Lounge, a safe and private community for women to connect, share and support each other.