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First, let’s get clear about what dating is!
There seems to be a whole new meaning given to this word these days and I think it’s important that women really get what this word means because unrealistic expectations may lead to feelings of inadequacy and battered and bruised feelings around their self-worth.
Here is one definition of ‘dating.’
Dating is a form of human courtship consisting of social activities done by two persons with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or as a spouse.
However, not everyone will agree with this definition and there are many variations of what dating means to each individual, online dating has added another level of complexity to the whole dating scene and ‘how to do dating.’
Back to the question, when do you date again after separation and divorce?
Certainly never within in first three to six months even up to a year after separation! Many women feel the need to seek validation that they are attractive, desirable and lovable to other men particularly if they have the view that their previous partner rejected them. They wanted out of the relationship without being able to explain why or perhaps they left for someone younger, older, smarter, more interesting, more attractive or even less attractive.
I strongly believe that if you head straight into another relationship before you spend time learning to be by yourself, exploring who you really are and what you want outside of a relationship how can you ever expect to confidently get to know someone else in just a few months of dating when your emotions will be overriding logic and common sense.
Some men can pick a desperate woman a mile off and see them as easy prey and this can include the husbands of your best friends. Just saying! That’s not meant to be a slur at all men, it’s the way they are wired! One of the biggest drivers for many of them will be SEX, for others it is companionship that does not include living together or marriage and for some it is about finding someone they would want to spend the rest of their lives with.
Before venturing into the world of dating be very clear about where you stand on this and assess the importance you place on being in a relationship. Only you can truly know yourself.
When you feel ready don’t look at every date as, is this the one? Relax and enjoy it for what it is, an opportunity to meet someone who you will click with or never want to see again.
If it works it works, if not then move on.
“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” – Lucille Ball
Rather then focus on some dating tips in this article here instead are some powerful questions I share with my clients to help them begin to answer the question ‘who am I?’ Answer these over a few days or a few weeks. The important thing is that you spend time delving a little deeper with each question.
Buy yourself a journal and call it My Best Life!
Write each question on a piece of paper and hang it on the wall in front of you. Relax, breathe deeply and allow extended exhalations. Sit with your question and when your mind starts to wander, bring it back by reading the question again, out loud.
Start writing quickly, don’t worry about grammar, spelling or censoring what you have written. Just go with the flow!
- When am most naturally myself?
- What people, places and activities allow me to feel most fully myself?
- What is one thing I could stop doing, or start doing, or do differently, starting today that would most improve my quality of life?
- What is the #1 biggest change I could make, or goal I could achieve or problem I could solve that would have the biggest positive influence in my life. (As you think about the answer to this question, is this where you should be putting most of your energy, focus and intention?)
- What have been my greatest moments of joy and fulfillment in life?
- What are the greatest sources of joy in my career?
- What activities do I absolutely love in my personal life?
- Who are my most inspiring role models?
- How can I best be of service to others?
- What is my hearts deepest desire?
- How am I perceived, by my closest friend, my worst enemy, my children, or my ex?
- What are the blessings of my life?
- What are my greatest talents and natural abilities?
- What’s the single most important thing I would like to accomplish in my career?
- What’s the ONE most important thing I’d like to achieve in my life?
- What legacy would I like to leave?
- What is the relationship between all of the answers to these questions?
Keep these questions and your answers in your journal and come back to review them over the next few months. You might feel inclined to update some of your answers as you begin to gain deeper awareness about who you are!
Share your comments or personal story I would love to hear from you.
The best way to reach me is to via email: firstname.lastname@example.org
With love and gratitude
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